ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ 16 ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴀɴᴛ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ
Grace Helen
Tears stream down my face like flower petals fall off of their sisters and trickle onto the ground away from her touch Everything once in beauty will return again I must remember to wear sunscreen today or the sun will swallow me I must wear blush so I can feel pretty I was looking at Realtor.com because I am craving a $100,000 house in Maine I want to start a family with my boyfriend tomorrow I want to be a 22 year-old mother My parents are both impaired and I want them to be in my child’s life Everything is falling away so fast Like a river stream Like the wind How does the wind knock the doors shut My mouth is tied with a sad emotion while the tears bullet my thighs as I slump toward the kitchen floor.
My half-friend’s stalker is online trying to be her when she could just be herself.
I feel sorry for girls like that.
I feel sorry I have friends like her.
Halves and never wholes.
Just wither away into the dust and forget your own name.
You can’t touch me because you do not know me.
I am scared of every loud animal there ever was.
Why make sound?
It’s so annoying.
I am scared because I live in a dome and I never see real grass anymore.
I saw turf.
I saw a bus.
I saw Instagram.
I started crying.
I can’t change my bedsheets every week I can’t do my hair every day I can’t learn a new language by next year I couldn’t even pick just one I can’t check in on my sister I can’t finish the art historical readings on Venus
I am scared and trapped in this world.
I feel like I am the cut umbilical cord I feel like I never grew legs or arms or feet or hands I feel like I have never moved an inch.
I feel like I have always looked like this, a fake blonde with faded freckles and tired eyes.
If I am the thing that was cut off, then why do I feel so heavy?
Why did I stop growing but why am I bigger now?
Why is this burdening me like a death and eating me inside out like a disease?
I feel like an empty spray can of thermal spring water. No way to use me so one way to discard me.
Grace is the hush between heartbeats.